Nowhere to go and no choice

In our zen practice we have basic forms we follow. We bow when we enter the dharma room and before we sit down. We bow 108 times in the morning. We chant mantras and dharanis and sutras. We do seated meditation with our hands in a certain form. When we do walking meditation there is a certain way to do that. We approach and open the altar in a certain way. Almost every action in the dharma room has some form that we follow. Inevitably when someone comes to practice there are usually strong opinions about those forms - some positive - some not so positive. What is it about all that bowing anyway? And why chant? Why do this, why do that? One of our members said that he always felt the forms to be a way of keeping alive the practice of meditation itself - as though the forms were a kind of anchor. A lovely way to think about those forms. One of the books central to our particular zen school is “Elegant Failure” by Zen Master Wu Kwang. This particular book looks more deeply at some of the kong-ans used in our school, giving the history of the characters in the kong-ans and clarifying some of the language. Today, while reading through some favorite passages, something he wrote really struck me.  “When you really face the fact that there is nowhere to go and no choice, then you enter your situation completely. Your mind does not keep saying, Well, maybe I’ll do this, maybe I’ll do that. There is no choice. There is only this moment, moment by moment by moment. And at that moment you can open to the simplicity of your being and of your connection with others.”  When you enter the dharma room that is what you get to experience - no where to go and no choice. You enter a space, albeit self-imposed, in which you do not get a choice about what to do or not do. You simply follow the form and your reaction to the form lets you see your own particular karma. Some of us like chanting. Some of us like bowing. Some of us just want to sit.  Some of us have problems bowing to the altar. But, regardless of our emotional reactions, we have no where to go and no choice. We just do it. And in that doing, we get to experience a microcosm of our life outside the dharma room. Everyday, we are confronted with situations in our lives that are hard or good or happy or sad. We cannot escape that. But what we learn in the dharma room during practice is this "just do it" mind. This is a mind of acceptance of the situation we are in. This is a mind of openness moment to moment of whatever life brings us.

Dwelling Nowhere

Dwelling nowhere, let the mind come forth

Where are you dwelling right now?  No - not just your house, but in your head.  Where are you?  We dwell many places during the day.  Today I was dwelling with my grandson and worrying about him.  At meditation tonight, I was dwelling in "What am I going to say when meditation is over?"  So many places to dwell.  Many times, we get stuck in dwelling in self criticism and self degradation or self flagellation.  Or perhaps, we start dwelling in criticizing someone else.  So many places to dwell.  I feel good!  I feel bad!  I am sad!  I am joyful!  I am happy!  I am sad!  I, I, I, I, I, .............And so on and so forth.  So many places to dwell!
But the Diamond Sutra tells us "Don't dwell anywhere and then bring forth that mind. - What does that mean?  It means actually dwelling everywhere and then bringing forth that mind with all the richness that that mind can express.  It means not rejecting anything or clinging or attaching to anything.  It means spaciousness.  It means meeting each moment with an attitude of openness and acceptance.  This is a mind that doesn't make distinctions.  This is a mind that doesn't make good and bad.
Where are you dwelling right now?  Can you let go and see the red cardinal in the tree and the sun shining overhead?

Everything is a Teaching

The Four Great Vows

Sentient beings are numberless, we vow to save them all.

Delusions are endless, we vow to cut through them all.

The teachings are infinite, we vow to learn them all.

The Buddha way is inconceivable, we vow to attain it.

Of course, all of these statements seem to be a bit of hyperbole.  How is it possible to save all sentient beings, or cut through endless delusions?  These vows seem enormous, but in reality these vows just refer to our every day life - moment to moment.

Have you seen the comic strip with two people walking down the beach and starfish are strewn over the beach.  One person picks up a starfish and tosses it back into the ocean.  The other person says, "What are you doing?  You can't save them!  There are too many!" And the other person replies as she picks up another starfish and tosses it in the water, "I saved this one.  And I saved this one....."  The last picture shows them both picking up starfish and throwing them in the ocean.  Saving sentient beings is like that.  Every time you offer a smile, a compliment, a loving hug, a moment of empathy you are saving that sentient being in that moment.  
The same is true for each one of the vows.  Delusions are endless, moment to moment.  We practice so we can see through the endless drama of life.  What is the fundamental point - just here, just now?  Open hearted, we cut through to the true meaning in each moment and then we can act accordingly.  How can I help this world?
The teachings are infinite.   Every moment has them and they don't stop.  I asked my mother when she was 92 years old, if she was still working on herself.  I laughed when she said she was always working toward being more loving.  These teachings don't stop only when we are aware of each moment as a teaching, each thought as a teaching, each emotion as a teaching, each interaction as a teaching.  Listening to the response of others gives us a teaching.  Over and over again.

And then the Buddha Way is inconceivable, we vow to attain it.  What is this Buddha Way that is inconceivable?  Inconceivable means to not be able to mentally grasp it.  Inconceivable means opening ourselves to what the old teachers call "don't know" mind.  What is this? "Don't Know." the answer comes back to us.  This don't know mind brings us to a radical openness to all that is in front of us.  No thought of good or bad.  No thought of judgement.  Just "What Is This?"  Oh, let me open the door for you. 

 

Saying Yes

My sister is a wise woman.  She always is working on herself and although she has a different religious tradition than my own, I always value her spiritual work and advice.  A couple of years ago she made a resolution to say "yes" to whatever invitations came her way.  She had kept to herself quite a bit after retiring and had felt she was spending too much time alone.  Invitations from friends came slowly at first, but as she said "yes", more invitations poured in and soon she was having to pick and choose carefully where she wanted to go and with whom.

Saying "YES" can be very powerful and you'd think it would be a really positive thing to do.  Everyone likes to say yes to the good in life.  I like to say "yes" when my husband invites me out to dinner and a movie.  I like to say "yes" to a nice hot bath on a cold, snowy January day.  I like to say "yes" when someone tells me how great I am.  Every moment that is filled with comfort, acceptance, love, kindness, graciousness and beauty, we always reach out and embrace.

But life isn't like that, is it?  Yes, there are moments of beauty and love, but mixed in with the good stuff is a great deal of not so good stuff.  This morning I woke with a headache and feeling out of sorts.  I received an email from a friend that had some hard to hear criticisms.  I've had recent knee surgery and I'm bored with sitting in the house day after day.  Can I say "yes" to these things as well?  Opening myself to all that life has to offer?

One of the four great vows that we recite every morning is "The teachings are infinite, we vow to learn them all." Each moment is a teaching.  Each bit of beauty and each bit of suffering, is a teaching.  No matter what life offers you at the moment, just say "yes".  This acceptance, this "yes" to what is right in this moment is not only the path, but the fulfillment of it.  May each day be filled with this radical openness - saying "yes" to it all.      

Kyol Che

I'm leaving in a few days to sit Kyol Che.  January 2, 2018 started the beginning of Kyol Che at the Diamond Hill Zen Monastery in Cumberland Rhode Island.  Kyol Che is a term meaning "tight dharma" and is a 3 month meditation retreat observed by the monastics in the Kwan Um School of Zen.  There is a summer Kyol Che as well that is 1 month long.  I've always wanted to do a longer retreat and so decided to register.  The longest I've sat is 1 week but I've also done what we call " hard training" for 100 days prior to taking senior dharma teacher precepts.  During that time, I arose at 3:30 am and did prostrations, chanting, sitting, and walking meditation until time to get ready for work.  The first week was difficult but then something appeared - a strength, an energy that is unnameable and the practice deepened.
   Kyol Che is an extension of that.  This retreat is indeed "tight dharma".  I downloaded the instructions and information.  No cell phones, ipads, ipods, computers, kindles.  OK, I get that - no electronics - check.  It goes on.  No caffeine - What?!  Ok - check! Wean off caffeine.  No eating between meals.  Ok, I can do that (maybe).  Silence - for three months??!!!  Ok - I think I can do that.  But then, for me, comes the kicker.  No reading, no journaling and no contact with the outside world ---including my family.  Bit by bit, the instructions indicated, everything that supported me and propped me up was about to be stripped away.  Bit by bit, I would be forced to actually face the great questions of life and death, doing the work of looking inward.
    Why would I want to do this? What is it that drives my heart and mind to understand this fundamental nature of ours?   Kyol Che sounds so hard to do!  Many years ago, a student Zen Master Seung Sahn's, Su Bong Sunim, was doing a solo retreat in the mountains.  In the middle of his retreat, he became assailed by doubts.  "Why do ths?  This is a ridiculous practice.  Why bother sitting?"   He finally got fed up and decided to call his teacher.  He left his retreat cabin and walking through the woods for several hours, he went into town.  He found a pay phone, dialed the number, and waited for his teacher to answer.  It was many minutes before Zen Master Seung Sahn came to the phone.  Immediately Su Bong Sunim said, " I'm tired of doing this.  Why should I do a retreat?  Why should  I bother sitting?"  Zen Master Seung Sahn yelled into the phone, " Not for Me!!" and slammed the phone down.  Su Bong turned around and went back to his cabin and finished his solo retreat.
    What does this mean - this "not for me" answer?  It means we do this meditation practice to understand our true nature, which is Great Love, Great Compassion and the Great Bodhisattva Way. Doing a retreat, whether it is a long retreat like Kyol Che or a shorter day long retreat, is like hitting the reset button on our lives.  As the quiet of silence and withdrawal from the world seeps in and the breath becomes our focal point, our center becomes strong, our sense of unity with all things emerges, and the energy and wisdom to help all beings comes to the fore.
     Just as a last note - as I do this practice until the end of March, I would ask you all to sit with me - even if it's only a few minutes a day.  This is called Heart Kyol Che and it is a way of calling to mind those who are sitting Kyol Che and staying as one with them.   I will be calling each of you to mind and chanting Kwan Seum Bosal for you.  See you in the spring!

Retreat Mind

At our last retreat one of our sangha members literally moaned in our ending circle talk and said ,"This doesn't feel spiritual! This is torture!" Everyone in the circle laughed hard because each of us were dealing with aching knees and backs and bottoms. We all knew EXACTLY what he was talking about! Not to mention the torture of sitting moment after moment watching your mind make things up over and over again and struggling each time to bring it back to the breath or the mantra or the great question. And yet..........when the retreat is over and freedom of movement returns there is a quality to our lives that is different - more spacious and full of gratitude for each other and for our practice. We find ourselves open and quiet - truly clear mirrors for this world. I'm always struck by the loving, grateful attitude each person displays at the end of a retreat. In spite of the physical pain, retreats are worth every moment.

Sangha

Zen Master Seung Sahn taught that this "don't know" mind is the same for everyone. When one is not thinking than your don't know mind and my don't know mind and the don't know mind of all things in the universe are the same. I read a quote the other day - "I am like that. You are like that. All this is like that. And that's all there is." Makes me laugh for the truth of it. And yet, when I look around the dharma room, I see all these people with different likes and dislikes, different tastes, different voices, some male, some female, some happy, some sad. Oh - so many differences! Where did all that come from? Zen Buddhism teaches that we make our world. We make our likes and dislikes. We make happy and sad and good and bad. We make a world of opposites and opposition. Each of us are born with karma that sees and reacts to this world in different ways. We make these differences. But these differences are not part of our true nature. Our true nature is the same, person to person, and is the nature of all "that." Seeing beyond our differences means reaching into the heart of the great work of life and death.